What you are about to see… Cannot be unseen.

Sorry for the lack of updates last week. It was a little crazy. (I’ll do another one to give you the details later this week.)

I debated for a week if I should do this or not. I had made up my mind that I was going to wait until I had reached goal to embarrass myself to the extent that I am about to. But after I did Insanity (Day 9!!) and looked in the mirror at my sweaty, but accomplished self, I knew I should share this.

Disclaimer: This is not pretty. It is probably more difficult for me to look at that it will be for you, but I’m going to tell you WHY I am sharing.

I had OK skin my whole life. I always suffered from acne, but having stayed at a healthy weight, I didn’t have many issues with stretch marks until I got pregnant. When I was 9 months, the midwife who did my final examination (who hadn’t seen me before) said “Oh honey, I’m so sorry” when she lifted up my dressing gown for the belly exam. Yep. A midwife said that to me, unprovoked. After I had my son, I lost about 20 of the 60 I had gained and I lost all other motivation to lose the rest. FOR YEARS. YEARS I told myself there was no reason to even bother because I was never going to look good naked again. I remember telling my ex husband that he better not leave me because no one would ever fall in love with me again. (I had really low self esteem, can’t you tell?)

So for a long time, I would make tiny efforts to be healthy, I’d lose 10 pounds here or there. People would encourage me by giving me awesome workout clothes or shoes or gear and I’d be super excited for… about a week or two. There was something about looking in the mirror and KNOWING I would never wear a bikini again that just destroyed all motivation for me.

I don’t know what snapped. I’m not really sure how my mindset changed, but back in November of 2014 I decided to make an effort to be healthier. Early December of 2014 I successfully quit smoking and seeing as 2015 was right around the corner, I jumped on the Resolution bandwagon on January 4th. I took progress pics from the very beginning, but I forgot to do measurements. I didn’t take any until I started this blog.

What I’m about to show you is my very first progress pictures and the ones I took today, after doing Insanity. (By the way, Pure Cardio is EVIL).

Why am I showing you this? Because as you’ll see, I still look gross. I still have sagging skin, stretch marks galore and I doubt that will ever go away naturally. But which one of these pictures would I rather be? As I see it now, I had two choices… Be ok with looking good in clothes and meh naked or look gross all the time. And yes, I was gross. There was nothing beautiful about the way I had treated my body for all those years.

I am showing you because you might have this same problem. You might be putting off losing weight because you know the damage has been done and you’re not going to look good in a bikini. You might have decided “eh, whatever” and given up on living a healthy lifestyle due to the way your body looks. I don’t want you to think that. I remember the first time I did the Incline. I couldn’t go 20 steps without wheezing. I can do the whole thing without sitting down now. Back then, I couldn’t sit in a chair comfortably. Going to the movies was annoying because I could no longer tuck my feet under my butt and I would lose circulation in my legs if I let them hang. (I’m that short…) I had to take breaks when I would go dancing and I wasn’t able to just move and enjoy myself at concerts. EVERYTHING took extra effort.

So yeah. I might not ever have the perfect body, but would I pick THIS body over THAT body. HELL YES. I worked hard to get here. And I’m going to work hard to get to my goal. It’s worth it, I promise. And… An added bonus is always that clothes look and feel so much better. You won’t be trapped in your own garments any more.

Get off your booty and do this with me.

Progress won’t always look the way you want it to, but maybe you’ll discover other things about it that will surprise you. People who are positive have positive things happen to them. Be happy and keep moving forward. Also. I haven’t lost anything since starting Insanity, but I can already tell that there is a real, tangible change in my body composition. Going to finish the program if it kills me!

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Love&Light

-Lainey

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I’m OK with the scale being mean.

I started Insanity on Sunday. It was just the Fit Test and taking measurements for Day One. I’ll tell you, I swear it took everything inside of me to actually start the real program on Tuesday after that Fit Test. It was 8 minutes of doing one move constantly for 1 minute each. I felt worried that this was going to be too hard and I was going to give up. I have Tuesdays off of work, and I knew if I didn’t do it then, I probably wouldn’t start.

Holy Hell. So, it’s hard in a way I didn’t expect. Cardio wise, I’m surprising myself. I’m able to breathe through almost every move, it’s just my strength and range of motion that is killing me. Simple things like jumping, crouching, moving along on hands and feet at the same time… Things I didn’t really think about. I am SO glad I picked Insanity though, because even though it’s hard, I can tell I will be better off after I’m done. It’s silly, but even though workouts like Zumba and aerobics are fun and enjoyable… Insanity I know I’m going to get results. I KNOW my body is going to look better when I’m done. If you have even the slightest inkling to try it, DO IT.

So I just finished Day Two, which was absolutely bonkers. The nice thing is that there is a timer at the bottom, both for the entire workout, but also each interval so you can literally sit there and be like “OMG I ONLY NEED TO KEEP DOING THIS FOR 20 MORE SECONDS!!!!” And when you make it, it’s thrilling.

The only downside is that I’m gaining weight despite being at a caloric deficit. I have to remind myself that it’s ok. I know my body is retaining a crapton of water right now and building muscles. I would rather be toned than goopy, so I’m going to just keep powering forward no matter what the scale says. I’m not altering my diet, I’m not getting sad. I am just going to do this and finish the program no matter what.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This is going to be awesome!!!

Love&Light

-Lainey

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Insanity. And Updates.

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So I’ve decided to do Insanity! I did a bunch of research into long term at home workouts and found that the best results have come from this program. From what I have heard, it’s insane… BaDumTiss. I’m going to start tomorrow. One of the reasons I chose this program over 30 day shred, P90X, etc is because it is heavy on the cardio and all body weight exercise. EDCLV is 10 hours of dancing/walking/standing a night for 3 nights straight. Add in the fact that it goes from 8pm to 5am and what that means to sleep. I want to be in peak physical condition this year. Last year was fun, but I had to rest way too much. Since I rave completely sober, I have to rely on my body and mind being as healthy and as ready as possible.

So. Insanity. I’ll be posting the updates weekly with my weekly weigh in results on Saturdays. It’s a 9 week program (63 days) which is perfect since I have 87 days left in my challenge. If you want to do it with me, I’d love it!! Or any other at home workout program for that matter. Let’s take advantage of the time we have guys. These days are going to pass us by no matter what. Don’t forget that.

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Results!

As expected, my weight loss slowed down significantly after the initial first week loss, but I am happy to say that I still went down 2.6 pounds which is on track for the 2.28 I have to lose a week to reach goal. Keep in mind that I blogged on Sunday last week, so I am using last Saturdays weigh in numbers for my math. I have also successfully not used heat on my hair and kept up with drinking a gazillion gallons of water.

Day 1/100 – 2/22/2016

Weigh In: 158.8 lbs // Goal weight: 120 lbs // Pounds left: 38.8

0/1,000,00 – Steps

Day 13/100 – 3/5/2016

Weigh In: 148.4 // Goal Weight: 120 lbs // Pounds Left: 28.4  ((10.4 pounds lost so far))

143,426/1,000,000 – Steps

Let’s do this guys!!

Love&Light

-Lainey

 

 

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What To Do?

Today I hiked the Manitou Incline with two lovelies from work. We had lots of great conversation about losing weight when (A) said to me, “I see the things you post on facebook and I think you’re a lot thinner than you think you are.”. I realize that I might have a little bit of an issue with this. On one hand, I know I look better than I did before, but on the other, I am absolutely sure I am still fat.

I woke up this morning at my lowest weight since before I got pregnant with my child. That would be 9 1/2 years ago. That is a HUGE milestone.  But I still look in the mirror and think “yuck”. With a little less than 30 pounds to lose still, I don’t want to end up in a bad place where even at goal weight, I feel like a fat person. It’s not healthy. I’m going to do some research on this and get back to you guys. But it was a real eye opener. So much of losing weight and getting healthy is in the mind.

Hiking today was absolutely FANTASTIC. It was a little cold, but it was mine and (A)s first time up the mountain since before winter last year, and it was (AM)s first time ever! It was exciting to see someone brave the unknown, with all the determination in the world. She was a trooper and made it to the top on her very first try. I bailed out in the middle on my first attempt, and believe me when I say, I pretty much cried and whined the entire time. I love to see people succeed, and I hope that I was able to help in some way.

I’m expecting to see a gain tomorrow. One, because I’m having a gin & diet tonic night cap, but also because my legs feel like someone took a sledgehammer to them. Word of advice, don’t go back to the gym after a long hiatus and then do the Incline the next day. Bad idea. LOL. Worth it, but I’m going to be feeling it.

These beautiful ladies kicked butt and took names with me today. I am so happy to have had their company.

 Love&Light

Lainey

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Learning From My Mistakes

Hey guys! Thanks for coming back!

I’m on day 7 of my 100 day challenge. It’s been pretty successful so far. I’m happy to say that all of the crappy water weight and extra couple of pounds I gained have been purged (in a good way) and I’ve stuck to this like white on rice. I made one adjustment to my goal that I’ll talk about in a little bit, but all in all, I feel like this is going to be a very successful challenge.

Ok. One of the most frustrating things about having a lot of weight to lose is that you can get stuck in a place where you are losing the exact same 5-1o pounds over and over again. My personal horror is seeing “155” on the scale. I’ve been hovering at 155 pounds since July of 2015. I’ve gone down the filthy food rabbit hole on many occasions and watched the scale creep up to 166 and then been really good (before superbowl) and seen it clock in at 149.4. I have issues sticking to things once I start, and I make excuses in my head like “I’m doing so good, I DESERVE this” when I eat something bad. While one pizza night may not be the end of the world, it’s never ONE pizza night. It turns into a week of bad choices, almost every single time.

The reason I have made this challenge public, and why I have told so many people in my day-to-day life about it is because I absolutely need the accountability. My main mistake is when I decide to go off radar and just wing it, or worse still, when I decide to have weeks in a row where I don’t log or pay attention at all. I have come to understand that I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I believe I have a legitimate addiction to eating. It’s possible it is only in regards to sugar, but having not been diagnosed with anything officially, I don’t know for sure. I do know that this will be a lifelong struggle for me. Interestingly enough, it was easier for me to quit smoking than it has been to lose weight.

Anyway, lets chat for a second about what we can do to combat food addiction. We all know addiction is both mental and physical. There are physical symptoms that can make fighting addiction almost unbearable. For me, switching to low carb (under 25 net/day) results in mind blowing headaches for about a week, leg cramps and of course, ridiculous desires for carby foods. I know from personal experience that if I fight through the first 2 weeks, I won’t be hungry, the headaches switch to the most amazing brain clarity and my legs are much less likely to fatigue than before. But I have to actually get through it. As if to add insult to injury, the mental game is even more difficult than the physical one! Food is so freaking delicious! How do I work through this without losing my mind??

I am trying to address multiple things that cause me to fail. As I stated before, I am making this incredibly public. This helps me because I’m forced to either succeed or admit failure. I don’t want to fail. I have also decided that I am going to log every. single. bite. I. eat and drinking a lot more water. In additional to logging food, I’ve made a habit of keeping a very simple physical journal. I only write a few things in, every morning. It assists me in keeping momentum and being proud of myself for sticking to it. So far, this is working. You need to find what works for you and don’t let go. Don’t go down the rabbit hole. Don’t veer off the path. Once you have it, you have it and it’s a straight shot to the goal line.

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I drink 4 (or more) of these bad boys a day. And I pee ALL DAY LONG. Haha.

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Ok! Lets get some results!

I did make a slight change to my challenge. In my original, I had decided I was going to give up alcohol completely. I had removed so many things from my daily life that I was getting annoyed that I couldn’t have my little night cap of Gin & Diet Tonic even though I was doing crazy good with everything. I’m not going to drink every night, but I have decided to allow myself a drink now and then as long as it fits into my calorie/carb goal for that day. My TDEE is so low, and my calorie goal is so low that it just won’t fit the majority of the time, and that’s why I feel confident letting it back in.

Day 1/100 – 2/22/2016

Weigh In: 158.8 lbs // Goal weight: 120 lbs // Pounds left: 38.8

0/1,000,00 – Steps

Day 7/100 – 2/28/2016

Weigh In: 150.4 // Goal Weight: 120 lbs // Pounds Left: 30.4  ((8.4 pounds lost so far))

78,541/1,000,000 – Steps

To reach goal weight by the end of challenge, I must lose an average of 2.28 pounds per week. I have a little over 13 weeks left. I hope to lose the majority in the beginning while my body is obviously willing to let go of it, because I know that the closer I get to goal, the harder it will be to lose. I have a pair of my own old jeans hanging in my bathroom that are a REAL size 7 from when I was 17 years old. It’s a side goal of mine to be able to fit into them. Right now they won’t go up past my butt, but I know that I’m going to get them zipped up one day!

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I also just realized that I said I would blog on Saturdays and Tuesdays. I thought I put Sundays, lol. So yeaaaaah. I’ll work on that too.

DRINK WATER! Be strong! You can do this. WE can do this. Talk to you on Tuesday loves!

Love&Light

-Lainey

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100 Day Challenge!

It’s been awhile, friends. Hello there! I’ve finally jumped back on the wagon! Wooohoooo! Did you know that it takes 14-21 days to create a habit? Only 3 weeks! So what could be better than committing to a 100 day challenge?  While I know it’s going to be a struggle, I know after only a little bit of time, it will just take hold. It’s going to be difficult, but the fire is blazing and I am ready to kick my own booty.

My challenge is going from 2/21/2016 to 6/2/2016. I am obviously doing this to get healthier and lose weight, but I would love it if you would join me with your own goals. It can be super simple like, making sure to meditate every day, or read a little bit of a book… Or could be something more intense like mine. It doesn’t matter what you choose, just know that we are in this together!

I’m on day 2 and I’ll be totally honest, I feel like I did back in the beginning of 2015 when I was completely gung-ho. I’m PSYCHED! I am going to the 20th anniversary of Insomniac EDCLV (Electric Daisy Carnival Las Vegas) on the 17th of June, so this is literally the perfect amount of time for me to be able to do this.

Ok – So here is what I’ve got planned.

  1. One million steps in one hundred days. (10,000/day average)
  2. Staying at or under caloric goal based on my TDEE and activity levels.
  3. Staying at or under 25 carbs a day.
  4. Blogging every Tuesday and Saturday.
  5. Getting to goal my weight of 120 pounds OR fitting into a size 5.
  6. Logging everything into MyFitnessPal. (Username: elainedenise2014 – Add me!)
  7. Doing some sort of work out every day. I am keeping this fluid and allowing for days where I just do some easy bodyweight fitness.
  8. Eating (or drinking) some sort of vegetable every day.
  9. No alcohol and making sure to drink 100 oz of water a day.
  10. No heat on my hair. (Ugh, this one is going to be hard!)

Some of these are going to be easy. Believe it or not, I’ll probably go over one million steps since I hit 15,000 on work days without effort. Logging my food has become second nature as well. The hard thing is going to be my diet. Boy oh boy do I love food. But I’ve come to a very honest place within myself. I know, 100% that I will be happier in my life at a lower weight. I LOVE being active and physical, and with every 5 pounds I’ve lost, I feel actual renewed life coming back. I feel younger today than I did a year ago, and I plan on continuing that trend well into my 40s.

My large goal, the one that is influencing me to do this challenge, is EDCLV. It is 3 nights of 10 hours of dancing per night in oppressive Las Vegas heat. I want to be in tip top shape for that and I have decided I will be.

Who is with me? Let’s do this together!

Love&Light

-Lainey

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Yes. You Matter.

I want you to imagine the person you want to be by this time next year. Make it realistic. Do you want to be able to hike a mountain? Do you want to be able to run around with your kids? Do you want your body to “just feel right”? Do you want to have learned something new? Met new people? Discovered a new hobby?

For me, and for many people, the goal is to be a better version of who I already am. I want to feel as though I tried, I succeeded and I made myself better. Everyone’s goals will be different. As I struggle through a major decision to halt my weight loss for a while, I am trying to decide what other aspects I can continue to build upon.

Progress is forward motion no matter how slow. Forward doesn’t mean a straight line. Going forward means you don’t stop and you don’t go backwards. I read a great quote the other day that really inspired me to take care of myself.

I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival. – Audre Lorde

This is true in so many ways. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It is of the utmost importance to take care of yourself. Make yourself as whole of a person on your own. Don’t expect other people to fulfill you, or to make you happy. It comes from inside, from your own dedication to your enrichment.

I’m going to be gentle with my goal. From now until the end of the year, I am going to make the time to sketch at least once a week, and to write a handwritten, heartfelt letter to someone I love. I am also going to continue to learn how to run a 5K and stay active by going to the gym at least 3 days a week.

Take some time and think of some goals you’d like to accomplish. Write them down. You don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to, but accountability is very powerful. If you have someone you trust, someone who loves you, I suggest sharing with them and making them a part of your goal.

You are important. You are special and only you can make you believe that. Make yourself believe.

Love&Light

-Lainey

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