Ok. Let’s be honest. Life is fucking crazy. Things rarely turn out the way you thought they would. I am a perfect example of what happens when you have to grow up. To make a long story short, I got married young, had a baby, became unhealthy, lazy and sick. I stayed in a bad marriage far too long and added some situational depression into the mix. Life kind of sucked for awhile. For many years, I was made to feel like my opinion was useless, that my time wasn’t valuable and that I wouldn’t be loved by anyone else. I had no desire to better myself because inside, I had nothing left.
I was able to muster up the strength to get a divorce. Nope, things didn’t immediately get better. In fact, I’d say that mentally, they got worse. I was recovering from a bad marriage but I was also dealing with trying to fix 8 years of losing all self worth. That part is way harder than I thought it would be. I got divorced in 2011 and slid downhill steadily for about a year and a half after that.
I began the slow ascent back to the surface around the middle of 2013. Mentally, I was coming to terms with who I wanted to be, and what I needed to do, but I was also in the midst of my worst weight gain and a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. I was sick, weak and tired all the time. Being given an excuse to be sick is almost worse than not knowing. Instead of trying to get better, I was just throwing it back at myself. “Oh, I’m having a fibro flare up, so I should just eat this pizza and lay on the couch doing nothing for 4 days.” I made it severely worse by giving in to the idea that I couldn’t do anything about it. On top of this, I was smoking a pack a day or more. I ballooned up to 202.2 pounds. I am only 5’1″, so this put me at a BMI of 38.2. Obese Class II. That’s really bad, just so you know.
Life changed when I changed it. There was no miracle cure, no pill, no specific Ah-Ha moment… I just decided that enough was enough and made the decision to fix it. One day I finished a pack of cigarettes and decided not to buy another. (I credit that to Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr.) That was on December 16, 2014. I have not had any nicotine since that day. It took a little longer to jump into my major life change, but it was a start. That was the beginning of my taking control of my life, and finding myself pretty imperfect, but worthy of having an amazing journey.
I began on January 4, 2015 and haven’t looked back.
To Be Continued.
Love & Light ~ Lainey