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What you are about to see… Cannot be unseen.

Sorry for the lack of updates last week. It was a little crazy. (I’ll do another one to give you the details later this week.)

I debated for a week if I should do this or not. I had made up my mind that I was going to wait until I had reached goal to embarrass myself to the extent that I am about to. But after I did Insanity (Day 9!!) and looked in the mirror at my sweaty, but accomplished self, I knew I should share this.

Disclaimer: This is not pretty. It is probably more difficult for me to look at that it will be for you, but I’m going to tell you WHY I am sharing.

I had OK skin my whole life. I always suffered from acne, but having stayed at a healthy weight, I didn’t have many issues with stretch marks until I got pregnant. When I was 9 months, the midwife who did my final examination (who hadn’t seen me before) said “Oh honey, I’m so sorry” when she lifted up my dressing gown for the belly exam. Yep. A midwife said that to me, unprovoked. After I had my son, I lost about 20 of the 60 I had gained and I lost all other motivation to lose the rest. FOR YEARS. YEARS I told myself there was no reason to even bother because I was never going to look good naked again. I remember telling my ex husband that he better not leave me because no one would ever fall in love with me again. (I had really low self esteem, can’t you tell?)

So for a long time, I would make tiny efforts to be healthy, I’d lose 10 pounds here or there. People would encourage me by giving me awesome workout clothes or shoes or gear and I’d be super excited for… about a week or two. There was something about looking in the mirror and KNOWING I would never wear a bikini again that just destroyed all motivation for me.

I don’t know what snapped. I’m not really sure how my mindset changed, but back in November of 2014 I decided to make an effort to be healthier. Early December of 2014 I successfully quit smoking and seeing as 2015 was right around the corner, I jumped on the Resolution bandwagon on January 4th. I took progress pics from the very beginning, but I forgot to do measurements. I didn’t take any until I started this blog.

What I’m about to show you is my very first progress pictures and the ones I took today, after doing Insanity. (By the way, Pure Cardio is EVIL).

Why am I showing you this? Because as you’ll see, I still look gross. I still have sagging skin, stretch marks galore and I doubt that will ever go away naturally. But which one of these pictures would I rather be? As I see it now, I had two choices… Be ok with looking good in clothes and meh naked or look gross all the time. And yes, I was gross. There was nothing beautiful about the way I had treated my body for all those years.

I am showing you because you might have this same problem. You might be putting off losing weight because you know the damage has been done and you’re not going to look good in a bikini. You might have decided “eh, whatever” and given up on living a healthy lifestyle due to the way your body looks. I don’t want you to think that. I remember the first time I did the Incline. I couldn’t go 20 steps without wheezing. I can do the whole thing without sitting down now. Back then, I couldn’t sit in a chair comfortably. Going to the movies was annoying because I could no longer tuck my feet under my butt and I would lose circulation in my legs if I let them hang. (I’m that short…) I had to take breaks when I would go dancing and I wasn’t able to just move and enjoy myself at concerts. EVERYTHING took extra effort.

So yeah. I might not ever have the perfect body, but would I pick THIS body over THAT body. HELL YES. I worked hard to get here. And I’m going to work hard to get to my goal. It’s worth it, I promise. And… An added bonus is always that clothes look and feel so much better. You won’t be trapped in your own garments any more.

Get off your booty and do this with me.

Progress won’t always look the way you want it to, but maybe you’ll discover other things about it that will surprise you. People who are positive have positive things happen to them. Be happy and keep moving forward. Also. I haven’t lost anything since starting Insanity, but I can already tell that there is a real, tangible change in my body composition. Going to finish the program if it kills me!

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Love&Light

-Lainey

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